Napoleon Dynamite (1 Star/4)

So I finally worked up enough courage to check out 'Napoleon Dynamite'. I figured that since the bandwagon of quoters has crashed the craze is finally over I can watch it with a clear head. But hmmmm what do you say about a movie like 'Napoleon Dynamite'. Its that feeling you get when you've been reading a boring book and before you know it you've read 20 pages and have no idea what you've just read.

The first half of the movie goes by with a couple of chuckles sprinkled hear and there. I kept wondering why they even made the movie about Napoleon. He's boring. He wheezes and droanes and he isn't any fun. Pathetic. Most of the movie I kept wondering why they didn't make the movie about Napoleon's brother and his uncle. There is a scene between the two of them disscussing when he can and can't work becasue of "chat room sessions" and it teeters on being brilliant.

Well after this long almost empty first half, the prom sequence comes and goes and I thought, "Well that was a short movie." No such luck. It starts back up again and I experianced a sort of waking sleep watching the last half of the movie. I say waking sleep meaning I could clearly see images gliding over my glazed eyes, I could hear some words being spoken-- Nothing too funny. There were a few good songs and then there would be a blast of color and I want you to picture an old man being awoken from a deep sleep mumbling, "Huh? What?" I didn't sleep. I couldn't. I kept asking myself why I was watching this piece of shit. Then the credits roll and I was still watching. So the movie is over. Nope. It starts back up again with Napoleon riding a horse and monkey's wanking into the camera lens cheering how they suckered you out of 7 bucks.

What were people thinking when they quoted this movie over and over and over and over and over? All this "I killed wolverines with my 12 gauge!" "I need my chap stick!" "Girls date guys with skills..." What the hell were people thinking when they would imitate Napoleon and drone out these lines? I can still hear the bellowing laughter. Endless laughter. Were these people actually subjected to this mind numbing movie for 2 hours or did they just run home the day it became popular, download all the Mp3 sound bytes from the movie and learn them for the next day?

I couldn't even tell you what happened story wise. I don't think its becasue the movie put me in a state of lethargy but because I don't think anything really happened. You see a bunch of shots with these vast mountain ranges being the backdrop of the movie. These long, empty, meaningless mountains. I kept looking at those, the ones over Napoloen's shoulder and I couldn't help but wonder what makes a vapid movie like this connect with they're audience. It couldn't possibly be the movie itself. It's something else. Through the years these types of movies crop up (The Ring, The Grudge, Remember The Titans) and they become such a cultural crutch. You watch Napoleon Dynamite and its obviously pandering to someone who wouldn't think to look over they're shoulders at the mountain ranges and wonder whats over them and unfortunatley these are the types that people follow around. These are the shepherds to the sheep.